"Arrow to the Face" is the thirty-first episode in the Skyrim for Pimps series and the seventh episode of Season 3. In this season, we start with Fün Tits's adventure to become a vampire but is later joined by Crotch Guzzler. This episode is a "very special kind of walkthrough" for the New Allegiances and The Hunt quests in The Elder Scrolls V: Dawnguard.
In this episode, Fün returns to Volkihar Castle after her long trip to the Soul Cairn. There, she meets a dude named Rargal Thrallmaster, who says that if she comes across thralls and kills them, he'll split her in half. Fün requests to be split in thirds, instead, being her head and her leg separated from the rest of the body. She even tells him that if he wants to put her head on her leg, that could be really funny.
Fün heads to the dungeon where they keep the vampire cattle and she feeds on a man and sees a lady who seems to be totally high. Back at the main hall, Vingalmo, AKA Vin Diesel, speaks some vampiric nonsense to her and she feels the need to ask him why is she able to bestow the gift of Harkon's blood and if there's any way she can bestow his urine. She finds out that for such, Harkon had to had peed on her face and then follows up questioning about the possibility of herself peeing on someone else's face and bestow them the power of vampiric urination, having that happened. Fün discusses with her brain tumor, Emre, why don't vampires bite people in the ass and turn them, but Emre says it would be stinky, which leads Fün to understand why they do it on the neck.
Going out into the misty Riften, Fün puts on some seductive clothing in order to seduce a man by the name of Valindor, in a vampiric fashion. She throws herself at him, but he turns her down saying that it's probably not a good idea to walk around as naked as she is. So she throws herself at him once again, this time literally, biting his neck and turning the fellow into a vampire. Going back to the castle, Fün tells Serana how her mission was and proceeds to look around for Vin Diesel. She eventually finds him sleeping in his coffin and wakes him up by smashing a sword around into everything. When he finally awakes, Fün informs him that Valindor is currently part of the family and Vin Diesel sends her to see Garan, who gives her yet another adventure to complete.
Fün asks Serana to go with her, she wants to have good times and Serana has a 'can do' attitude that our Pimp appreciates. Fün needs to kill a traveling pilgrim to make herself feel good about everything, so she heads out to find one with a hat that looks like shit. To achieve this, the vampire ladies hide under a tree, since Serana complains about the sun not being good for her skin. Understandable, she has been underground for a couple hundred years... she has sensitive skin.
When the pilgrim finally puts her feet back on the road, Fün and Serana approach her and try to persuade her to follow them, but the lady plays hard to get. Attempting to make her stand where there are no people around, Fün gets in the pilgrim's personal space until she gets it and then asks where her fuckbuckles are - Fün has a feeling she is with the Dawnguard, the Fuckbucklers. So Fün waits for her to go to bed... but she never does. All night long and all the way till the next morning. Deciding to kill her from hiding in a bush, Fün shoots an arrow to the lady's head. And yet, she does not die. But when an icicle is thrown at her, not only she dies, but it is also considered discreet! Score. Fün walks to a couple of guards with the pilgrim's body but none of them seem interested in the fact.
Upon returning to Volkihar once more, Fün claims she wants to have more than one girlfriend in Skyrim. After all, she's a Pimp! She deserves multiple sluts! Then she thinks 'Multiple Sluts' will be the name of her all girl rock band. Fün goes back to Garan and tells him she has killed the Dawnguard disguised as a traveling pilgrim. Following that uninteresting conversation, Fün meets Fura Bloodmouth and wonders if in college she was a lesbian who liked to do it when her mates were on the rag. Emre says it was from this phase she went through, when she only ate her steak raw... and calls Fün gross. Fura comes down to having a cool high voice and challenges Fün to cull a vampire who's out of his mind. After this is taken note of, Fün complains to Serana that they can never have a decent European conversation, where their breasts touch and Fün face is on her lips because Serana always moves back. The necromancer might have intimacy issues...
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