"Failure Dragon" is the thirtieth episode in the Skyrim for Pimps series and the sixth episode of Season 3. In this season, we start with Fün Tits's adventure to become a vampire but is later joined by Crotch Guzzler. This episode is a "very special kind of walkthrough" for the end of Find the Elder Scroll quest in The Elder Scrolls V: Dawnguard.
Fün initiates her mission to go see the Keepers of Soul Cairn, or Houston. As she slays mistmen and bonemen, Emre, her brain tumor, takes a trip down memory lane to when the Boneman used to come down her street and she would order bones... hmm, okay... Fün, on the other hand, recalls Wrathman, who would come by with his van full of wrath and sells $2 cans of wrath. Expensive, but worth it.Anyway, Fün kicks the Keepers' rears and goes back to Valerica, the necromancer asshole milf. Considering the deed quite impressive, Valerica kind of compliments the vampire Pimp, but Fün disregards it, for she has killed as many animals as the number of cells in a body. Alright, alright, it's a lie... perhaps one less than that. Following Valerica and reaching the heart of Houston, the adventurers come across the Poorly Named Dragon, whom Fün slays effortlessly and notes that he has a sparkly purple soul to absorb. How cool! Except... he disappears before she can do so... lame. Valerica tells Fün how astonished she is with what happened. Guess she should be around Fün more often, she'd be astonished every day.
At last, Fün obtains the Elder Scroll! Valerica tells Fün and Serana they should get going and that she will stay behind, which Fün appreciates. Not like she wants to have her getting all emotional with her daughter as she tags along. Immediately, Fün turns to Serana and says they should get going, but the latter decides to just mash up some shit in a bowl. She's funny and Fün loves her.
Running back from where they came, Fün talks to Emre and says she's glad they'll be out of there, because the constant thunder gives her headaches and back pain. She just wants to gtfo. However, on the way out, there he is: Durnehviir, or Poorly Named Dragon, who should really change his name and they also notice he has either birds, flies or locusts flying around his filthy bottom. Fün and her tumor develop a whole argument about what name should he switch to, and she settles with Shuttlecraft. But more importantly... how is he still alive? Shuttlecraft says he's cursed, not dead and Fün can only focus on how much his voice sounds like farts or like he's burping out all of his words, similar to an amazing fraternaty guy who can constantly belch. A lot of babling goes down and ultimately, Shuttlecraft grants Fün the ability to call up his name in Tamriel to fight by her. More grandpa-style chit-chat happens and Fün can do nothing but think how the dragon's nostalgic words would make pretty good Hallmark cards.
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