|How to Make Love to a Moth|
|Tripping on moths, acting like Google Maps.|
|Season 3, Episode 9|
|Air date||September 21, 2012|
|Written by||Adam Koralik, Aaron Yonda, Emre Cihangir|
|Directed by||Adam Koralik, Aaron Yonda, Emre Cihangir|
|When Tits Met Crotch||Magic Gazebos|
"How to Make Love to a Moth" is the thirty-third episode in the Skyrim for Pimps series and the ninth episode of Season 3. In this new season, we start with Fün Tits but are later joined by Crotch Guzzler and there is even the sporadic appearance of Cock Nibbler. This episode is a "very special kind of walkthrough" for the Seeking Disclosure and Unseen Visions quests in The Elder Scrolls V: Dawnguard.
Fün Tits is going to Crotch Guzzler's house to retrieve the Elder Scroll she has been searching for in order to shoot the sun out of the sky and make it permanently dark. Finding his home by the inn, Fün thinks he's kind of whipped since the house is named after his sugar momma, Ysolda. Using the key Crotch gave her, she enters what she calls the disaster area and finds Ysolda sleeping in bed with many of the numerous skulls spread throughout the place. Trying not to disturb her, she searches the chest by the bed, where Crotch said the scroll would be. There she also finds 59.134 more skulls stored. It's... a big trunk. Saying bye to Ysolda, she heads out, surprised the skull-collecting psycho hasn't killed everyone in Whiterun.
Returning to Castle Volkihar, Fün finds Dexion Evicus, the stupid moth priest, at the table and with bandages over his eyes, but he might just going for the samurai look. Being asked how she can be served, Fün tells him she is going to throw a little floating ball at him and he will use his lightsaber to prevent it from attacking him. After this she informs him she finally has the scroll in her possession, however he replies saying he will no longer be able to help her, since he is physically unable. At that point, Serana intervenes by freaking out and smashing herself into Fün for comfort. Presented with the fate of death, the moth priest suddenly comes up with an opportunity, which honestly is nothing but another mission to grant Fün the second sight needed to read the Elder Scroll. Maybe they should've gone with the audiobook form of the scroll...
When out in the woods, a dragon is seen circling the area but Fün says someone else will have to take care of it, since she is looking for the moth priest's knife and is really busy. Arriving at the place where a shaft is penetrating down into a rock, Fün attempts to convince Serana to take a nude bath with her in the hot springs, but quickly enough she finds the knife they've been looking for. The adventurers then harvest bark from a canticle tree and Fün gets a little upset with Serana speaking softly around the noisy springs.
The next step is for Fün to attract swarms of moths, but she's not too sure what they're attracted to. Perhaps boobs. In the meantime, Fün notices how shitty she's looking and Emre welcomes her to the concept of age. Taking off her armor and wearing a bear hat, the moths definitely take a liking to Naked-Bear-Fün and surround her. After that, Serana gets confused with the concepts of 'up' and 'down' and Fün starts getting crazy with all the moths. Gathering all the Elder Scrolls she owns, Fün has a bad trip and rips the fabric of time and space and soils herself. Acting as Google Maps's street view, the scrolls show Fün the exact location of where they need to go next. Plus a chick was mooning her. Fün then questions Serana about what she knows regarding Auriel's bow, but the necromancer gets lost in the explanation and members of the Dawnguard start arriving at the site while she speaks obliviously. The Fuckbucklers all get murdered and beheaded, nothing new there. Fün finishes the episode with her highlights of the quest, confessing she loved being engulfed by swarms of moths and being surprisingly attacked by the Dawnguard.