This is a overview of season one. For a simple list of episodes in season one, see List of episodes § Season 1.
The first season of Skyrim For Pimps introduced two main characters, Cock Nibbler and Fün Tits. While the very first episode of the season featured Cock, the rest of the season told the tale of Fün Tits. During this season, we see Fün Tits join and rise in the ranks of Dark Brotherhood, fall in love with Astrid, and murder many people.
Fün Tits adventure began with being captured by Astrid, who asked her to join Dark Brotherhood (a group of assassins). Fün quickly raised through ranks after successfully completing many assassinations before being tasked with helping to assassinate the Emperor. After making an unsuccessful attempt and killing a decoy Emperor, Astrid inadvertently sold out Dark Brotherhood and caused the destruction of most members and their sanctuary. Even after finding out about Astrid's betrayal (not to mention the numerous problems their "relationship" had endured), Fün Tits decided to stick by her and finish out the rest of her days in the destroyed sanctuary with Astrid's resurrected burnt body.
Being sidelined for the first episode in order to give the spotlight to Cock Nibbler, Fün first appears in the second episode of Season 1, "Quest For The Demon Horse Shadowmere". Fün got her name from her grandmother, and it is in not any way crass, as it is simply a traditional Nordic name.
Fün assassinates Grelod the Kind for Aventus Aretino, and is visited by Astrid, whom she licks and becomes infatuated with. Fün begins her life as an assassin, killing beggers suffering from insomnia, wood cutters with rolling heads, and the like. In between missions, she constantly tries to win the affection of the Dark Brotherhood leader, Astrid: she wears sexy armor, shoves flowers in Astrid's face, slaps goat roast in her face, all to no avail. Unfortunately, she family-zones herself by calling herself Astrid's sister, and finds out that she is actually married to Arnbjorn, whom she hates.
Fün immortalizes their love on a tree after being pranked by Astrid into going the Night Mother's coffin, Fün goes along with the prank and goes to the ruins of Volunruud and is told that she must kill the Emperor himself! Fün's quest for the demon horse quickly becomes forgotten as she finds herself killing the Emperor's cousin at her own wedding by turning into a werewolf and feasting on her corpse, bullying Silda the Unseen whenever she visits Windhelm, killing Gaius Maro in an act of "self defense" and annoying bards comparable to Justin Bieber. Through it all, Astrid remains unmoved by Fün's affection and repeatedly reffers to her as "sister" and finally Fün snaps and spills the contents of her journal to her... Astrid remains impassive. Then one day, Cicero goes crazy and tries to kill Astrid and Arnbjorn rushes after him.
Astrid gives Fün Shadowmere and finally, Fün is able to get her demon horse--and the chance to kill Arnbjorn! Fün rides Shadowmere to the Dawnstar Sanctuary and confronts Arnbjorn and tires to kill him but hurts him so badly that she actually returns him to normal. Fün ventures inside the sanctuary, encounters a dead animal zoo and plays a game of skeever toss from her childhood, and finally confronts Cicero. Fün eletrocutes him to death and leaves him naked on the floor, donning his jester attire. Fün returns to the sanctuary and is given a task to kill the Gourmet Balagog gro-Nolob which sounds like a drunk guy trying to say "Bag of granola".
Fün kills the Gourmet and dresses up as a chef upon arriving at the Emperor's tower where she instructs the cook with mishapen boobs to cook the meal, adding the jarrin root Astrid gave her to the recipe. The Emperor is killed and Fün escapes to the bridge--only to find an ambush waiting and Commander Maro annoucning that Fün had been sold out by someone in the organization! Unwilling to believe it, Fün returns to the sanctuary and finds it all burned to the ground and Astrid burned beyond recognition! Realizing that all along this had never been a prank and that Astrid had betrayed her, Fün reluctantly ends her love's life.
But it isn't over yet. The real Emperor must be elliminated and Fün is just the gal for the job! Fün boards the Emperor's ship and fights her way through to his cabin where the Emperor has been waiting for her. He is accepting of his fate but asks that she kills the one that ordered his assasination. Fün agrees and kills him and leaves the ship, reflecting on her time with Astrid and all that could have been. Determined not to let her one true love go, Fün interrogates an old woman who reveals the location of the Flux Capacitor. Fün shoves the Flux Capacitor up Shadowmere's ass and travels back in time with him. The plan? To kill Astrid in order to reveal the location of Commander Maro, kill Commander Maro, and then go further back and tell her future self not to kill Astrid! Simple, right?
Unfortunately, not so. Fün's future self would much rather kill Astrid and hump her corpse than listen to herself. Undetered, Fün rides Shadowmere further back with the intention of telling Astrid never to visit the shack where they met. She and Shadowmere go too back however, all the way back to the prequel Oblivion, in fact. There, Fün kills an innkeeper in an act of rage and returns to the present to find Astrid still dead and she suddenly remembers the Staff of Dread Zombie in her inventory which she uses to resurrect the recently deceased love interest.
The spell wears off after 60 seconds however, but Fün is more than happy to spend the rest of her life down in a cave with the corpse of her lover, resurrecting her every sixty seconds until her death.
List of EpisodesEdit
- DON'T ATTACK THE CHICKENS
- Quest For The Demon Horse Shadowmere
- Licking Astrid
- Fun With Assassinations
- Lover's Quarrel
- Hiding In Grandma's Coffin
- Werewolf Wedding Crasher
- Fün Tits' Journal
- Epic Meal Crime
- Astrid?! NOOOOO!
- Time Travel in Skyrim: Back to the Fü-ture
- Fün's Lost Treasure
|Skyrim For Pimps Seasons|
|Season 1 • Season 2 • Season 3 • Season 4 • Season 5 • Season 6|