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Season 2

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This is a overview of season two. For a simple list of episodes in season two, see List of episodes § Season 2.

Season 2
Season 2
The Complete Season 2 Remastered
Vital statistics
Air date Apr 25, 2012 - Jul 25, 2012
No. of episodes 11
Written by Adam Koralik
Aaron Yonda
Emre Cihangir
Directed by Adam Koralik
Aaron Yonda
Emre Cihangir
Season guide
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Season 1 Season 3

Season 2 follows the story of Crotch Guzzler, an aspiring mage as he heads off to College. He makes his way to the College of Winterhold where he talks to people, follows them around a lot and fetches books constantly. After saving the College from Ancano, the one with the greatest butt, he is awarded the title of Arch Mage.

After partying and sleeping with Brelyna, Crotch enters the real world and meets Ysolda, a drug dealer who is originally thought to be a prostitute. He later marries Ysolda at a ceremony in Riften, and prepares himself for married life and the possibility of kids. However, Crotch continues to hold a grudge against his former college 'friends' and professors. He snaps and returns to the college to kill them all.


Coming from a long line of Guzzlers, including Potato Guzzler and Xeno Guzzler, Crotch Guzzler lived at home with his parents for about two-hundred-thirty years, shirking responsibility in favor of childish pranks such as lighting wagons of feces on fire and rolling them into towns. After Crotch is finally kicked out and forced to do something with his life, he decides to attend magic college.
Guzzler family tree

Lots of problems with this family tree...

Crotch enters the College of Winterhold, and immediately realizes the boring nature of the school. He meets his fellow classmates, including The Cat-Man (J'zargo) and The Faggot (Onmund), as well as their professor, Tolfdir. After a mere few hours they all embarked on the first field trip of the season, to the ruins of Saarthal.

In Saarthal, Crotch and the others found a great, boring artifact known as the Eye of Magnus, and Crotch himself received a psychedelic vision from a yellow clad mage. Tolfdir was so fascinated they brought the artifact back to the college. Through a series of incredibly mundane tasks, Crotch discovers the Augur of Dunlain, the Staff of Magnus and the fun of collecting skulls. He also experiences his first (but brief) romance with Brelyna but quickly tired of her after he found out she suffered from a head injury.

Crotch loathed his experience at the magic college. The only times he seemed to enjoy it was when he was admiring Ancano's ass and visiting Labyrinthian. The rest of it he found to be completely tedious. After being forced to save the College of Winterhold, and witnessing the death of Savos Aren, the college Dean, Crotch was made Arch Mage but quickly found that even after being made Arch Mage no one respected him. Life at the college remained as dull and uninteresting as usual; he was forced to clean "focal points", fetch things for the other students, and clean up dragon corpses. Unable to take it anymore, Crotch went out for a drink and participated in a drinking contest with Sam Guenvere (or Guevenne).

Crotch passed out and when he woke, he found himself within the temple of Dibella in Markarth and confronted with many sexy shrines and a very pissed off priestess. After "cleaning" up the mess he made, Crotch set off for Rorikstead where he harvested some cabbages and sold them to the very farmer that grew them and was told to search Whiterun for the staff Sam mentioned in his note. While in Whiterun he met a lovely maiden named Ysolda and intimidated her into telling him where Sam had taken the staff. She told him to search Morvunscar, so Crotch headed there at once and encountered mages that ran right into their own traps, Meridia's Bacon and a portal to Sam's location.

There, within the portal, Sam revealed himself to be Sanguine, the deadric prince of hedonism and debauchery who gave the staff as promised. Crotch then woke up right where he'd started his wild adventure, in the inn. Crotch left the inn and found Ysolda where he proposed to her, despite that the only conversations that they had ever had had been when he was drunk, and when he intimidated her for information. Regardless of their history, Crotch invited Brelyna to the wedding and she, the farmer that he'd sold cabbage to, and a Khajiit caravan (and Lydia) attended the ceremony. Crotch moved into Ysolda's house to live a life of married bliss...only to discover that his wife would stay out late at night, returning only in the morning.

Distressed that his wife might be a prostitute and realizing that he never should have married a woman he had only known for a day, Crotch went to visit The Oracles. While at the inn, he discovered the priest named Erandur who asked him for help ridding the town of 'asthma'. This was rather convienient as he suffered from asthma, so he agreed and then went to the temple with Erandur, where Crotch quickly grew to hate Erandur because he asked him to read things, speak to him and would take way too long to finish talking, much like Tolfdir and the other professors at his college. So naturally, Crotch killed him the moment he had the chance.

Realizing just how simple it had been to kill Erandur and end his babbling, Crotch decided to get back at all the pain his professors had put him through and returned to the College of Winterhold where he embarked on a quest to learn the master level destruction spells. The quest was very annoying and tedious and involved more reading than Crotch ever wanted but he found the spell and mastered it. He returned to the college where he killed J'zargo right in his chair, murdered Onmund and Brelyna, shouted Faralda off the college bridge twice, and killed the professors with lightening, frost and flame.

Crotch returned home and after discovering that his wife was actually a drug dealer and not a prostitute to his great relief, and was actually about to be sold the Bannered Mare, Crotch killed the innkeeper Hulda and Ysolda took her place. Season 2 ends with Crotch Guzzler roasting a dead guard and Hulda on the fire while Ysolda sells her skooma to all the happy residents of Whiterun.

List of EpisodesEdit

  1. "A Pimp Goes to College"
  2. "Bad Intentions"
  3. "The Augur of Freeman"
  4. "The Staff of Boredom"
  5. "Tolfdir's Accident"
  6. "Sex with Brelyna"
  7. "Sexy Party"
  8. "Daedric Blind Date"
  9. "Crotch Gets Hitched"
  10. "Daedric Asthma Attack"
  11. "Crotch vs Winterhold"

See alsoEdit

Season 1
Season 3
Season 4
Season 5
Season 6

Skyrim For Pimps Seasons
Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6

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