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Season 3

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This is a overview of season three. For a simple list of episodes in season three, see List of episodes § Season 3.

Season 3
Season 3
The Complete Season 3 Remastered
Vital statistics
Air date Aug 1, 2012 - Oct 19, 2012
No. of episodes 13
Written by Adam Koralik
Aaron Yonda
Emre Cihangir
Directed by Adam Koralik
Aaron Yonda
Emre Cihangir
Season guide
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Season 2 Season 4

While resurrecting Astrid every sixty seconds is enjoyable, Fün Tits has grown bored and finally decides to leave the cave. She has heard talk of vampires and an organization called the Dawnguard. But it isn't vampire hunting Fün is interested in, instead she seeks to become a vampire, bite Astrid and make her alive again! Fün heads to the Dawnguard and is ordered to investigate Dim Hollow crypt where the vampires are seeking something. After fighting her way through hordes of impossibly tough vampires, Fün discovers a sealed crypt and inside is a sexy lady named Serana. Fün takes Serana back to her home Castle Volkihar and meets her father, Lord Harkon. Obtaining the ability to become a vampire from Harkon, she sets out to aid in Harkon's life long dream: to blotch out the sun.

StoryEdit

While resurrecting Astrid every sixty seconds is enjoyable, Fün Tits has grown bored and finally decides to leave the cave. She has heard talk of vampires and an organization called the Dawnguard. But it isn't vampire hunting Fün is interested in, instead she seeks to become a vampire, bite Astrid and make her alive again! Fün heads to the Dawnguard and is ordered to investigate Dim Hollow crypt where the vampires are seeking something. After fighting her way through hordes of impossibly tough vampires, Fün discovers a sealed crypt and inside is a sexy lady named Serana.

Serana asks that Fün escort her to her home near Solitude. Despite that Fün loves Astrid she can't help but like Serana's attitude very much. When they arrive at the castle, Fün is greeted by a very ugly man, possibly a relative of Silda the Unseen. Once inside, Fün is approached by Harkon, Serana's father, and offered the gift of his vampire blood. Fün willingly accepts and is bitten quite sexily by Harkon and turned into a vampire lord (or lady) Fün's first mission is to travel to Redwater Den and receive a chalice. Fün turns into a vampire lord and kills all the addicts and a vampire named Stalf whom she kills out of pity for having such a terrible name.

VampireFün

Vampire Fün. As if being a Pimp wasn't cool enough...

Upon returning to Harkon, she is given a quest, none of which she really listens to. But the gist of it is that Harkon needs a moth priest to read scrolls revealing the location of Uriel's Bow, a powerful weapon that can black out the sun! Fün is more than happy to destroy the sun and even happier when Serana agrees to travel with her. While on the journey, Fün hits on Serana multiple times and begins to have feelings for her. They rescue the moth priest Dexion from the Dawnguard (all of whom wear fuckbuckles, even their dogs) but in order for the priest to be of any use, they need a scroll for him to read, one of which Serana believes vanished along with her mother.

Fün and Serana travel to the Soul Cairn and along the way, Fün discovers that Serana speaks way too quietly and can never hear a thing she says. Once they enter the Soul Cairn, Fün meets the employees of McDonalds, all of whom are miserable and empty inside. She also helps a man find his horse named Arvaak. Fün also meets the Bone Man who sold bones to all the happy children when she was little. They eventually find Valerica (who has the same weird part in her hair as Serana) and find that she is trapped by a magical barrier that can only be broken by killing the Keepers. Fün kills them with no trouble at all andValerica is freed but warns them of a dragon that roams the area, a dragon with quite possibly the worst name ever--Durneviir. She also tells them that with Serana's blood... Harkon can complete the prophecy, making his daughter the key to his evil plan!

Fün effortlessly kills Durneviir and retrieves the Elder Scroll foretelling the first part of the prophecy Harkon needs and Serana makes potions. Durneviir isn't quite dead however and confronts Fün and speaks to her painfully slowly, saying something about longing to be free outside of the Soul Cairn, but Fün doesn't listen and instead images him making Hallmark cards. Fün and Serana return to Harkon and Dexion reads the scroll, telling them of Auriel's Bow, the weapon needed to black out the sun, but can read no more without the second scroll. Fün travels to the Mages College and finds everyone dead and Crotch Guzzler in the Arcanium. Despite his forebodings about sealing her a scroll that could be used to black out the sun, covering the world in eternal night, Crotch sells Fün the scroll and she and Serana return to Dexion only to find him blind.

Dexion is still able to instruct them however and tells them to go to a cave and perform a ritual. Fün and Serana travel to the cave and Fün attracts the moths to her and reads the scroll which reveals the location of the bow. After dispatching a few annoying Dawnguards, Fün and Serana travel to Darkfall cave and encounter a snow elf who asks them to kill his brother. They make their way to boring shrines, talk to boring priests, discover ancient Italian "pancake" recipe, fight two dragons and make fun of the shoddy way that the Falmer decorate their homes. Fün also pulls a few pranks on Serana.

Finally, they confront Verthur and have a truly epic fight with him...Not. In fact, the closest Fün comes to dying is when she nearly falls throwing Verthur off the roof. They retrieve the bow and agree to end Harkon's corruption once and for all. After a truly difficult battle, Harkon is killed in one hit and Serana continues to travel with Fün. However, Fün finally remembers the true reason she set out to find the vampires--Astrid. Fün realizes that she may be forced to choose between Serana and Astrid if the latter is resurrected. Fün goes to Crotch Guzzler and asks if he knows a spell that can permanently bring Astrid back. She offers him the "pancake" recipe in return for his services and Crotch reluctantly agrees to help her. Crotch returns with a fully resurrected Astrid and Fün is forced to make the hard choice: Astrid or Serana?

Knowing just who can solve her dilemma, Astrid visits the Oracles and they tell her that "it takes two to make a thing go right" and Fün realizes that is has been obvious all along and chooses both.

List of EpisodesEdit

  1. Dawnguard Begins!
  2. Huge Vampire Wang
  3. Stupid Moth Priest
  4. Kung Fu Skeleton
  5. Quest for the Skeleton Horse
  6. Failure Dragon
  7. Arrow to the Face
  8. When Tits Met Crotch
  9. How to Make Love to a Moth
  10. Magic Gazebos
  11. The Fabulous Falmers
  12. Grudge Match of the Century
  13. Walking the Dead

See alsoEdit

Season 1
Season 2
Season 4
Season 5
Season 6

Skyrim For Pimps Seasons
Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6

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