"Sneaky Lizard" is the 72nd episode in the Skyrim for Pimps series and the 15th episode of Season 5.
S'oggy is in Solitude for a job for the Thieves Guild. "Help me," a man in ragged clothes named Dervenin calls S'oggy over. He asks if S'oggy could be a good Samaritan. S'oggy, in turn, sells skooma for 250 gold. After their transaction, Dervenin tells him his problems. His master went on vacation and won't come back. S'oggy tries to diagnose the situation and thinks Dervenin might have been cooking his meals often enough or perhaps he treated his master like Oedipus. According to Dervenin, he went missing in the Forbidden wing of the Blue Palace. S'oggy offers to get his master back for him and the man in the ragged clothes gives him a hip bone saying this is needed when talking to his master. While this man made very little sense sense, S'oggy thinks he made more sense then Mercer.
Either way, S'oggy has business at the Blue Palace since he was supposed to steal some Colovian Brandy for Gulum-Ei and he enters the palace. Food is flying all over the place. What happened? Our cat-hero is already excited to be there. But then he sees Erdi. Erdi is one of the housekeepers of the palace and she has spots on her face. S'oggy says rude things about her appearance. Edri, on the other hand, is focused on her job and tells him to not make a mess of the palace. He thinks this must be a joke and she then she tells another one.
"I made a wish in the town well that a golden Knight came to take me to his castle. Does it spoil the wish if i tell?"
This cracks S'oggy up. He assured her that this will indeed spoil the wish. In fact, he'll make sure that knight would be dead. After joking with Erdi, S'oggy looks for that Firebrand Wine that he's supposed to steal for Gulum-Ei's client. S'oggy easily steals the wine and goes back to Gulum-Ei drinking at the Winking Skeever. Gulum-Ei, in turn, gives him the info on the person who tried to buy the Honningbrew Meadery. It was a unknown woman that "flashed a bag of gold" in his face. He says he just acted as a broker and he didn't catch her name.
S'oggy, not thinking Gulum-Ei might be telling the whole story, tries his best to intimidate him into telling. However, Gulum-Ei slinks away. S'oggy decides to tail Gulum-Ei, almost literally stepping on his tail the whole time he's following him. Gulum-Ei does not notice either way and reaches the East Empire Company Warehouse.
Once they both enter the cave, Gulum-Ei notices that he was being followed and S'oggy gives Gulum-Ei a little noogie and threaten to snip his balls unless he reveals more about the woman. The broker gives in and reveals that he has been working for a woman named Karliah. When he asked where she was headed to, she told him that she's headed to "where the end began." Our Cat-hero interrogator has one more question for him and asks if he "should have come here," and gives him a little jab. Gulum-Ei does not appreciates this and responds, "never should have come here." How predictable.
Having gained intel on who's trying to get between Maven and the Thieves Guild, S'oggy rushes back to Solitude to find the homeless man's master. Back at the Blue Palace, S'oggy tells Erdi that she hasn't cleaned up the mess yet. But Erdi tells S'oggy that he's not allowed to enter the Pelagius's Wing. This angers S'oggy and tells Erdi that he's probably going to just kill her first before any knight arrives.
Trying to find someone who'd let S'oggy in, he talks to Firebeard who basically tells him to f*ck off. The one who lets S'oggy was a lady named Una, which S'oggy first mistakens her for a princess. She hesitates at first but allows S'oggy entrance into the forbidden wing. She regrets that if Erdi heard about this Erdi would obsess about it nonstop.
S'oggy immediately goes to taunt Erdi about Una letting him check out the Pelagius's Wing. However, Erdi was still lost in her fantasy. She asks if S'oggy might be the "gallant hero coming to scoop her up." This leaves a bad taste in S'oggy's mouth.
"I hope I'm not your gallant hero because then I would have to kill myself."
He enters the wing and sees spider webs everywhere. It hasn't been cleaned up in a while. Exploring the abandoned wing, S'oggy gets transported to a "Alice in Wonderland" like forest with a dinner table and a odd looking man. His trusty followers, Aela and General Burnside, were nowhere to be seen.
The odd looking man starts rambling about Argonian concubines and a talking grapefruit named Stanley. S'oggy thinks he might be on a skooma trip. Sooner or later the odd looking man, Sheogorath, tells him that he's in the mind of late Emperor Pelagius III, who was a homicidaly insane monarch.
|Previous episode:||Next episode:|
|"S'oggy Sketch Artist"||"Fish Stick"|