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Walking the Dead

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Walking the Dead
AstridTrippedAndDied
Crispy Astrid tripped and died. Again.
Season 3, Episode 13
Vital statistics
Air date October 19, 2012
Written by Adam Koralik, Aaron Yonda, Emre Cihangir
Directed by Adam Koralik, Aaron Yonda, Emre Cihangir
Episode guide
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Grudge Match of the Century House of Crotch

"Walking the Dead" is the thirty-seventh episode in the Skyrim for Pimps series and the thirteenth episode of Season 3. In this season, we start with Fün Tits but are later joined by Crotch Guzzler and there is even the sporadic appearance of Cock Nibbler. This episode is a "very special kind of walkthrough" for The Elder Scrolls V: Dawnguard.

PlotEdit

On this new episode, Emre tries to make Fün focus on her initial goal, what made her go through this whole adventure: to bring back Astrid, her one true love, the one she cannot live without and the one she spent months in a cave with. Fün though needs a flashback... Emre shows her the night she met Astrid, when she dragged her out of bed across half the world to an abandoned shack, reminds Fün of the time she wanted Astrid to sniff her flower by rubbing it on her face, as well as when she slathered the leg of goat roast on the leader of the Dark Brotherhood. Ultimately, Fün has to make a choice between the corpse of Astrid and Serana. A tough but necessary decision. 

Fün decides to inquire Crotch for help, since he was able to aid her in figuring out the whole shooting-the-sun-out-of-the-sky thing. Knocking on his door, Fün tries to help Crotch remember her, saying they met at the college, which is worth a threat from the arch-mage's side, all without opening the door. He then finally remembers Fün from wanting to shoot an arrow into the sun and the vampire makes her way into his house... which is bursting with skulls. She explains the whole Astrid-Serana situation, but Crotch doesn't seem to understand.

Crispy Astrid02

Astrid looks like bacon.

In order to make a deal, Fün says that if Crotch goes to her cave, resurrects Astrid and brings her to Fün in Whiterun, she'll give him these pancake recipe books. At first, Guzzler cannot see why he would want a pancake recipe, but Fün convinces him by telling him those are no ordinary pancakes, but the coolest ones and also brings up the fact that he's married and possibly will want kids one day and kids love pancakes. If he gives them to his wife, she'll love him forever and fuck him nasty. He ends up reluctantly agreeing.

Following the dean who rides Shadowmere to Fün's cave, we hear him say he just wants people to go away, so he doesn't argue with them anymore and just does whatever they tell him to do. Entering the den, Crotch sees how creepy it looks and wonders who the weirdo is, since he collects skulls but Fün is the one who wants to date a deceased person. He finds the leg of goat roast Fün has asked him to bring her due to the sentimental value and notices how there are so many corpses around. Not exactly knowing which one is Astrid, he begins casting spells on a few, unsuccessfully, apparently because they are 'too dead'. Finding Astrid's body at last, the arch-mage does his thing and brings the dead lady back from... well, the dead. She's good to go, only needs a bath and some skin. 

SeranaNaked

Serana looks like... she has it all going on.

On their way back to Whiterun, Astrid trips over a rock and dies once more, so Guzzler resurrects her yet again and informs her she should be careful. Losing Shadowmere, they have to walk back to Fün, fighting bears and trying to stay out of trouble. He questions himself how he always gets sucked into these jobs and Emre states Crotch has to learn how to say 'no'. But all he wants is for people to leave him alone with his wife and his skull collection. Carefully jogging the rest of the way, they reach Whiterun and wait for Fün at the meeting place, in the shade for Astrid not to cook like the bacon she looks like. 

Exiting her house and appreciating the beautiful day ahead of her, Fün spots Crotch and Astrid. She approaches her, feeling emotional and introduces the crispy lady to Serana as her ex. Thanking Crotch and giving him the pancake recipe, Fün asks for his opinion on what she should do. He goes ahead and tells her she should make sure her wife has a job to be able to provide security. Fün thinks Astrid isn't employable at that point and Serana bums out with her, therefore she hopes another alternative will help her pick -  stripping both her girlfriends and evaluate them. She believes Astrid doesn't have as much going on anymore. Unable to make a decision, she decides to retreat for some soul-searching by visiting the Oracles , whom have got Fün through some bad times before. Upon gazing at them, Fün listens to Rob Base's wisdom: "It takes two to make things go right" and suddenly realizes the only answer is to have two women. After all, she's a Pimp. 

TakesTwoToMakeThingsGoRight

When unsure of what to do, go with rap lyrics.

After Fün takes off with both crispy bacon and the necromancer, Crotch gathers the books and takes a look at them, immediately thinking Fün fucked him over. However, no matter what, he will make those pancakes even if it's the last thing he'll ever do. He cannot read pancake language, but he promises Ysolda he'll figure out the ingredients, have a house, some kids and they'll kiss and have a proper life unlike Fün, who has a dead woman and a slut in her house. He swears to collect a million skulls and kill everyone who has ever crossed him!

Skyrim For Pimps - Walking the Dead (S3E13) Dawnguard Walkthrough-015:16

Skyrim For Pimps - Walking the Dead (S3E13) Dawnguard Walkthrough-0

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